


Rain Can’t Make The Flowers Grow

by TheSecretFangirl



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, but the medical details should be anatomically correct, cause i am a med student as well, i apologize if my description of an american med school isn't exactly correct
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-20 09:37:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1505618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSecretFangirl/pseuds/TheSecretFangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Leonard’s eyes travelled upward from the chest towards the cadaver’s face. He saw the mass of golden hair gush up from the head. There was something…  oddly familiar about it. He came closer to the body and looked closely at the face. Jim! Oh God no! It was Jim! But… but… how? This was impossible."</i>
</p><p>Or, the one in which a certain med student finds a cadaver that used to be his childhood best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rain Can’t Make The Flowers Grow

**Author's Note:**

> Title from '[Ghosts](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82eXuSxCsSk)' by Gabrielle Aplin  
>  _"I'm sick and tired of hanging out my window,_  
>  _I've learnt from past experience rain can't make flowers grow,_  
>  _And friends don't stick around,_  
>  _They go which way the wind blows,_  
>  _You're never safe and sound, 'til all the doors are closed."_
> 
> Also thanks to [Ashley](http://torchwood1701.tumblr.com) for beta-ing!

“God-fucking-dammit” was Leonard McCoy’s first thought when he entered the clinical skills area that morning. It was usually a quiet place with few students around- they generally resided in one of the various dissecting rooms in the building. But this morning many were milling around in the central lounge and Leonard could hear excited chatter rising above the din.

“I am so excited!”

“Yeah me too! I have been practicing with a scalpel on my sister’s dead cat for two days.”

“Eek! I can’t wait to see what a new one looks like! I wonder if I will be in the room with the new one.”

Oh! So they were probably getting a new cadaver today. No wonder these damn Med-I kids were so excited. Leonard never understood how his peers could look at the cadavers with a fascination that blinded them to the real nature of the thing they were looking at. Yes, the students were encouraged to “respect” the cadavers they worked with but they couldn’t help but be super-excited about it. It annoyed Leonard a lot. Four years of working with dead bodies, and he still couldn’t get over the fact that the backs he cut through, the skulls he sawed and the veins he busted once belonged to real, living, breathing people.

Leonard walked over to the front desk to check his schedule for the day. He was in his last year of med school and the older students were often called upon to help with classes. When Leonard saw the timetable for the day, he groaned internally. Dammit. He was assigned to help the anatomy professor Dr. Spock demonstrate basic dissection techniques to the Med-I students. So.Fucking.Great. Leonard never understood how Dr. Spock could look at the cadavers year after year and repeat the same things over and over again without even lifting a stoic eyebrow.

He walked tentatively to Dr. Spock’s dissection room. The pointy-eared bastard stood beside a metal container that housed the new cadaver. It hadn’t been dissected before and would be a valuable learning tool for the group of ten students that would soon come in.

When Leonard McCoy entered the room, Dr. Spock raised his head slightly and said with an unemotional voice. “Ah McCoy. Go change to a dissection uniform. We’ve got a new body in and the students are about to arrive.”

“Yes sir,” Leonard answered curtly and walked to the little adjoining room where he changed into blue surgical scrubs, a hair net and goggles. He heard voices from outside and knew that the students had entered the room.

Dr. Spock began his usual monologue. “Good morning students. Today, you will be seeing your first cadaver. It has never been near a knife before and what you will witness today is a real-time dissection of a real body. Does anyone volunteer to remove this metal case and unzip the body bag? Remember, no one forgets their first cadaver.”

Leonard stepped out of the little changing room at this point and saw a couple of hands up in the air. A pale looking, curly haired boy jumped up and down screaming, “I can do zat! I can do zat!”

“Very well” Dr. Spock spoke coldly “But what is your name?”

“Pavel Chekov”

“Alright Chekov. Are you sure you can lift the lid?”

A couple of students snickered.

“I can try, sir!”

The kid stepped forward and lifted the lid with both hands. He kept it on the table next to the surgical table. The stench that wafted out was horrendous but Leonard was used to it. He saw a couple of students cough and cover their noses with their hands.

“Before you unzip the bag, Chekov, let me introduce you all to Leonard McCoy. He is in his fourth year and will be assisting us today,” Dr. Spock announced suddenly.

Leonard just smiled and nodded towards the students.

Chekov bent down over the black body bad and started unzipping it. When he was done, a collective gasp escaped the students. Nothing could have prepared them for it, not the hours spent studying human anatomy or working with plastic models. Leonard sighed internally knowing that a few weeks along the line these students would be totally inured to the body and forget its humanity.

He turned to look at the body. He was the one who would demonstrate the primary incisions because it was one of the easiest things to do. The first thing Leonard noticed about the cadaver that it was lying ventral side up. Dammit. Now he would have to roll the heavy grey body filled with embalming fluid over. He really hated doing this because he felt like he was violating the person, treating them like a wooden log. And the expressionless face always freaked him out.

The face. Leonard’s eyes travelled upward from the chest towards the cadaver’s face. He saw the mass of golden hair gush up from the head. There was something…  oddly familiar about it. He came closer to the body and looked closely at the face. Jim! Oh God no! It was Jim! But… but… how? This was impossible. This was the brave young man he had left behind in another life. Vomit threatened to rise up Leonard’s throat and a flurry of images flooded his brain. He felt faint-headed and crumbled to the ground, lost in memories of times past.

_A park in Iowa... Four year old Leonard playing alone on the slides. His mother sitting on the bench in the distance, watching him wordlessly. A lemon head colliding with him, tackling him to the ground. Introducing himself as Jim. Flashing his baby blues and refusing to call him Leonard because Leonard was too long of a name. Nicknaming him Bones instead, because that is what Leonard looked like back then- a bag of sickly, unfed bones from a poor family. Playing on the slides with the kid. Leonard forcing his mother to meet the kid’s mom. Following him home because Leonard wanted to know him more. Liking the kid too much in that one meeting to ever forget him. A summer spent playing in the park and sharing stories._

_First day of kindergarten. Jim’s mother dropping him at Leonard’s house so that the two could go to school together. Sitting next to each other in class and gossiping about the other kids. Jim sharing his lunch with Bones. Jim showing off the fancy stationery he had because his dead father was rich and the family had lots of money. Jim pulling his hair in class and calling him a spoilsport when he refused to write Jim’s “A’s” for him. Jim. Jim. Jim. Soccer played after class. Dirty uniforms and mad mothers._

_Elementary school. Jim suddenly turning into a nerd. Leo fighting off bullies for his best friend. Scaring them off with his grumpy scowls and beefy muscles. Jim helping him with homework. Playing cool new videogames at Jim’s house after school when the kid’s stepfather was away. Sleepovers at Leo’s house with his mother cooking yummy things for the both of them. More visits to the park. Singing games._

_Sixth grade. The winter Leonard accompanied Jim and his mom on a trip to Egypt. Taking photographs with the Sphinx and pyramids. Thinking about how the brilliant Arab sun made Jim’s hair look like molten gold. Hours spent in the marketplace buying toy camels and fake swords. Trying on Egyptian clothes. Ice cream and kebabs. The return. Jim acquiring a girlfriend. Teasing Leonard because he didn’t have one. Jim setting up Leonard on play dates with his girlfriend’s friends. Leonard not being interested. Realizing that he didn’t really like girls._

_Two years later. Jim’s breakup with the girlfriend. The shiny blue eyes crying into his arms. The two of them cursing the nameless girl together. Calling her a bitch just for the fun of it. Jim sneaking out his stepdad’s alcohol. Getting silently drunk in Leo’s bedroom. Flurried early teen confessions. Jim’s fears about living up to his dad- the great Iraq war veteran, George Kirk’s name. Leonard’s fears about not doing good enough in school. His new punk haircut. Jim’s nerdy glasses._

_The summer before high school. Their first parting. Leonard’s mom taking him to visit her family in Georgia. Leonard dreaming about a pair of blue eyes and yellow hair screaming “Bones, Bones, Bones” each night. His realization that he liked boys, no wait, Jim, in_ that _way. The return to Iowa. A completely changed Jim. No longer nerdy and dorky and half-drunk, but smart and sexy and flirty._

_Freshmen year. All the girls schooling around Jim like fish. A new date every week. Hardly any time spent with Bones at school. Leonard joining the punk clique. Secretly sneaking glances at Jim during lunch, wanting him more than ever before. Quick afterschool meetings with his former best friend once in a while. Longing. Lots and lots of longing. Longing for someone’s touch. Longing to satisfy the itch in his groins. Masturbating to Jim’s photo._

_Sophomore year. Coming out to his group. Finally having a boyfriend, a punk named Gary Mitchell. Jim learning about it. Acting shocked. Probably disgusted as well, by the looks of it. Leonard asking his friends to keep his sexuality a secret from the gossip group. SAT prep courses. Hours spent bent over books with one blond head far away, guiding him. A blond head who was probably too straight to function. Fleeting peeks at the said blond head. Catching the head staring at him once._

_Summer break. Leonard sitting in the park. Jim spotting him. Sitting down next to him. Confusion. They hadn’t talked since Leonard’s confession. Remembering Jim’s sweaty palms. The nervous look on his face. The tell tale dilated pupils. Seeing the vein in his neck beating too fast. The confrontation. His favorite blond grabbing his face and kissing him smack on the mouth. The hesitation. Slowly melting into the kiss. Giving it all he had. Jim sobbing about his fears on being gay. How the whole super-flirt thing was just a pretense. How he stayed away from Bones to hide his feelings. How he blushed every time Bones looked at him._

_Junior year. Bones getting his first tattoo. A skull and crossbones on his left arm. Alphabets “J” and “L” secretly inscribed in the skull’s eyes. Jim tutoring him for the SAT’s. Taking the test on the same day. Discussing questions afterwards even though it’s totally against the rules._

_The first time they did it. In Bones’ upstairs bedroom while his mum was away. Scruffy sheets. Too many limbs to keep count of. The smell. The fluids and sweat. The amazing sensations. The pain and pleasure. Their love for each other. Their bodies joined together for the first time as they were meant to be. Jim’s ruffled bed hair the next morning. Finally coming out to his mum. Her understanding and knowing smile. Her happiness that his boyfriend was Jim._

_Senior year. Future plans. Jim planning to join the army. Bones wanting him to accompany him to college. Forcing him to write personal statements. Getting reference letters from teachers. The heavy workload. AP classes. Labs. Assignments. Scattered among them lingering kisses sneaked in between class. Brushing of fingertips. Blushing like a twelve year old. Fucking in all sorts of places. And more kissing. Slow and Soft. Hard and Hurried. Promises whispered in the moonlight. Them accounting to nothing._

_Jim, adamant to prove himself. Wanting to shed off the nerd and flirt image. Wanting to become a war hero like his father. Leonard wanting to study biology. Going on to med school. Saving people’s lives, helping them._

_The goodbye. Jim leaving for military school. Their promises to keep writing to each other. Staying in touch through texts and calls. Tears, precious as pearls, wiped secretly off cheeks. Lingering touches. Final hugs. Jim entering the airport with his mother. Smiling his Oscar smile and waving like a maniac. That little wink and air-blown kiss. The Kirks leaving Iowa. And Leonard himself, moving on to Ole Miss._

_A month later. Leonard texting Jim almost daily. Getting no reply back. Throwing his phone away in frustration. Looking at old photographs and remembering. The nostalgic feeling of his lover’s arms. Desperation at first and them remorse. Giving up after another month of waiting. Knowing in his heart that other things were probably preventing Jim from replying back- the harsh bureaucracy of the military. Believing that Jim finally saw him for the pathetic loser that he was. Dating other people, studying too hard, drinking too much. Trying to forget Jim. Trying to ignore the face haunting his dreams for the past eight years. Repressing memories._

_A pain in the back of his head. Light too bright. Oh God no, no, no! NO! Jim! It simply can’t be!_

Leonard suddenly sat up. It was all real. The grey face in front of him belonged to Jim. Leonard knew that if he opened the cadaver’s eyes, the blue looking back at him would haunt his dreams even more.

“McCoy. Are you okay?” Dr. Spock’s mildly concerned voice startled him.

It was all too embarrassing…. he couldn’t bear it. Fainting in front of a group of Med-I’s? What was he even thinking? But this was Jim. His Jim. The Jim whose whereabouts he didn’t know for the past eight years. And now he would have to cut up the corpse in front of excited new students. He would have to turn the body over and make the huge incision down the center of his spine. The blade would cut along the line Leonard had once traced with kisses. He would have to treat his lover like a lab rat when all he wanted to do was kiss those cold, dead lips.

“Leonard McCoy. What is the matter with you? I have never seen you have such a reaction to a cadaver. What sort of an example are you setting for the younger students?” Dr. Spock asked again.

Leonard stood up. He held back his tears.

“I am totally fine sir. It’s just that I knew the man this body belonged to.”

The room gasped collectively.

A few faces beheld a look of horror. But they could not understand, not in a thousand years, what Leonard McCoy felt like at that moment.

“I am sorry, McCoy,” Dr. Spock said. He placed an arm around Leonard’s shoulders, which was highly unusual because Dr. Spock hated physical contact. “I will excuse you from today’s class.”

“Thank you sir. Can I speak privately to you for a moment?”

“Of course, McCoy.”

Leonard led Dr. Spock outside the classroom.

“Sir. I knew this man very well once. He left about eight years ago and I haven’t heard from him since. Even though this is highly unprofessional, can I ask you if you know this man’s whereabouts before his death?”

Dr. Spock simply raised an eyebrow.

He did not speak a word and coldly went back to the classroom.

Leonard took a deep breath.

He then crumbled to the ground, mourning his lost love, cursing the war and the heroic, broken boy who had tried too hard to follow his father’s footsteps.

Nothing could bring the boy back.

He had fallen into a deep, dark abyss that lay beyond the point of no return.

Now, Leonard felt like the boy was dragging him into the abyss with him.

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry. I really truly am.  
> Or maybe not.


End file.
